Waking up in the
middle of night constantly is no joke.
Images of my wedding day flashes back on my mind.
Tears rolled down my cheeks.
I shut my eyes in anguish.
It's a nightmare
looking back at the pictures taken on my wedding.
I was told,
'memories live in my mind,
it doesn't matter if you have pictures to look at.'
But for me, my memory is so bad..
that I couldn't remember what I ate the day before.
I could only look back at pictures to refresh my memories.
But it's so painful to know my perfect wedding being ruined.
Regrets for the entire life.
I was told severely times that my wedding is perfect.
I should be contented to have the wedding of my dreams.
Not everyone can have such a wedding...blah blah blah...
stop being a perfectionist .
Yes I should, I am, indeed.
But deep inside of me,
I find it so hard to overcome the pain that
my perfect childhood dream being ruined.
I felt grossed.
Im beginning to pick on every small little details on my wedding.
Esp when my hair looks like shit with
too much hair powder being applied on my
I looked extremely fat and disgusting.
why the hell did I march-in so fast?
why the hell did I wear a red gown with a red lipstick?
why the hell did I choose to get married on that day?
why the hell did I listen to people and hire that photographer?
why do people walk out of me when I needed help?
WHY WHY WHY?
Blah blah blah.
Whenever I hear the word, 'wedding',
I felt extremely sick.
I start to dislike weddings.
I hate the fact that everyone has the perfect proposal ,
the perfect wedding being planned ,
and the perfect pictures being taken for their memories.